Anonymous of Holland            -A Dutchman in Korea-

    Helo welcom 2 my websight

Rantings of a Madman part 4

Have you ever wondered how far you can go without looking back?

I wonder about it often. I've wondered about it for years. I can't even count the times I'd wanted to jump on a train and see where I ended up. Or just walk away and try to get as far away from anything as I possibly could. But I never get further than my own front door. That's where logic and doubt stop me from going any further. There's no getting away from logic. And doubt is something you'll always carry with you. Logic dictates I can't just run off and do whatever, because doing whatever costs money, and even though there are people that survive without anything, I could not. I'd go mad if I couldn't watch tv or have a drink whenever I wanted. Luxury living has ruined my dreams for me. And where would I even go? 'Away' is such a loveably vague idea that we love to throw around, but where would I really go? Would walking around Luxembourg be enough of a change to constitute 'awayness' or do I need to go to America or Russia? What will I even do when I get there? How the hell do you search for yourself by going away? The only thing I'd be doing if I went 'away' would be worrying about how I could eat tomorrow and if I could ever go back if I wanted to. 'Away' sounds even more rotten than here. At least here I have more important things to worry about. Not that any of them really matter in the long term, of course, but it keeps me busy.

But..I'd like to rediscover myself. I want to know what I'm all about. I want to know what I expect in this life other than the tedious routine of everyday living numbing my body and brain to the bone. What is it that I wake up for every morning? Is it the fact that I'm supposed to wake up? There's things to be done? Why is it that I can't seem to enjoy this boring habitual numbness like so many other people seem to? Don't get me wrong, I know I'm living a pretty good life, but I can't stop myself from wondering if this is really it. Is this really all there is? Where's the excitement, the drama, the intensity? Why isn't real life anything like what they advertise on tv?

Sometimes, I go without thoughts like these for a couple of days. They feel pretty good. But ultimately everything comes full circle again and I'm wondering how far I could go without looking back.

 

You know back in highschool, how everything made so much sense? I was so busy living I never even thought about my own existence. The everyday routine was broken more often than you'd expect from a day scheduled around courses that last for 45 minutes each. Everything made so much sense back then. Well…I guess nothing really made sense back then, but I didn't care. Now, everything is neatly lain out in front of me and I just have to follow the path. Just follow one day into the next and pray you won't lose your mind before you get there.

The funny thing is, I could bitch about this for four more pages, but I would never do anything about it. I'll just go on being bored and boring myself with myself waiting for some miracle to happen and make everything better. Life isn't what you make of it. No one makes something of their life. Stuff just happens and you deal with it and move on. People get cancer. Some of them die. Some of them don't. The ones that don't haven't 'fought hard' or 'had a strong will to live'. They were just lucky. The ones that died were shit out of luck. Life is like that sometimes. Hell, it's like that most of the time. I wonder…

I wonder how far I could go without looking back..

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This entry was posted on 18 September 2010 by in Diary, Personal Thoughts.

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#스타크래프트 is love #Starcraft is life.

Being a Starcraft fan in Korea feels a lot like what I'd imagine being a rich acquaintance of Ronaldo would feel like for a football fan - you get front row seats to all the major games, get to meet legends like Messi, Robben or Buffon (in our case, Byun, SoO or Stats) and get to ask for their signature pretty much whenever you want - all without paying a single penny.

The professional scene has been taking hit after hit since I started getting interested in it, and I'm afraid it'll never be the same as it once was, but I'm glad that in 2018, as well, I'll be able to enjoy some of the best e-Sports the world has to offer.

#WingsOfLiberty down, #HeartOfTheSwarm and #LegacyOfTheVoid to go.

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#스타2 #스타크래프트2 #Starcraft2 #Byun #TY #Maru #INnoVation #esports #gaming #progamer #Korean #Korea #e스포츠 #진에어 #진에어그린윙스 #SKT1 #Dark #collection #collector #PC #RTS #변현우 #이신형 #전태양 #조성주 처음 한국에서 @kim.minji.ki204 가 그린 책을 발견할 때부터 (그 #책 읽을 수 없어도, ㅎㅎ) 한 순간엔 큰 #팬 되었고 작년 #서울일러스트레이션페어 에서 직접 만날 수 있어서 너무 즐거웠다.

이제 인스타로 새 책을 받을 수 있는 이벤트가 있어서 당연히 참여해야지~

#kimminji #thejunglebook #정글북 #정글북리그램이벤트 #indigo 한국에서 역사랑 현대 항상 어떤 이상한 발렌스로 공존한다.

In Korea, the past and the present are always living together in some sort of awkward balance.
Traditional norms, values and traditions clash with the influence of a rapidly modernizing and developing society; pride in one's roots compete with a constant need to move forward, and historical buildings vie for room to breathe in the middle of a metropolis.
I hope Korea manages to move forward without forgetting the things that make it unique.

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#대한민국 #한국 #절 #불교 #봉은사 #역사 #현대 #발렌스 #서울 #Seoul #Korea #SouthKorea #Temple #Shrine #Buddhism #Buddha #traditional #Buddhist #history #present #balance #City #koreantemple #development #Metropolis #tranquility #modernization This is such an #unoriginal picture but..doesn't it look just like a #postcard?

#Seoul #Korea #SouthKorea #Namsan #NamsanTower #City #Road #Traffic #Korean #mountain #trees #green #NSeoulTower #Tower #서울 #도시 #남산 #남산탑 #산 #탑 #도로 #엽서 #그림엽서 #남산타워 On some nights, when I'm feeling all beat down by stress and worries about whether or not I'll be able to support myself over here or where my life is heading, and when I'm just drunk enough, when I see the second snow of the year coming down outside my window, I just can't help but go outside, play some music and dance in the snow like an idiot because for some reason it just reminds me of how much I love being in this country.
Fuck you, Korea. I love you.
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#secondsnow #firstsnow #둘째눈 #첫눈 #Seoul #서울 #snow #눈 #Korea #SouthKorea #Korean #Life #Street #KyungHeeUniversity #KyungHee #경희 #경희대 #dongdaemoon #동대문구 #이문동 #winter #겨울 #atmosphere #분위기 #reallylongsentence 어제는 드디어 지난달 #SBS 하고 #재지 랑 촬영한 #내방안내서 #방송 되었다!
내 역할을 크지 않았지만 궁금하신 분들이 내 #블로그 에서 내 이야기를 읽을 수 있다 ^^
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https://anonofholland.wordpress.com/2017/09/18/things-you-only-see-when-you-slow-down/
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The episodes I worked on together with SBS Korea for a show called #GuideToMyRoom finally started airing since last week and even though my role wasn't very big, it's still really enjoyable to see the places I visited and the people I met on TV. I wrote a long piece on my #blog about my experiences in Haemin Sunim's temple, so give it a read if you feel like it.
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#멈추면비로소보이는것들 #미황사
#Korea #tv #Koreantv #Buddhism #Buddha #traditional #temple #Koreantemple #haeminsunim #절 #불교 #촬영 #버라이어티 #Zazi #혜민스님 #네덜란드 #외국인 #네덜란드어 #Nederlands #Tolk #Interpreter @zazimusic @haemin_sunim
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