Anonymous of Holland            -A Dutchman in Korea-

    Helo welcom 2 my websight

Rantings of a Madman part 4

Have you ever wondered how far you can go without looking back?

I wonder about it often. I've wondered about it for years. I can't even count the times I'd wanted to jump on a train and see where I ended up. Or just walk away and try to get as far away from anything as I possibly could. But I never get further than my own front door. That's where logic and doubt stop me from going any further. There's no getting away from logic. And doubt is something you'll always carry with you. Logic dictates I can't just run off and do whatever, because doing whatever costs money, and even though there are people that survive without anything, I could not. I'd go mad if I couldn't watch tv or have a drink whenever I wanted. Luxury living has ruined my dreams for me. And where would I even go? 'Away' is such a loveably vague idea that we love to throw around, but where would I really go? Would walking around Luxembourg be enough of a change to constitute 'awayness' or do I need to go to America or Russia? What will I even do when I get there? How the hell do you search for yourself by going away? The only thing I'd be doing if I went 'away' would be worrying about how I could eat tomorrow and if I could ever go back if I wanted to. 'Away' sounds even more rotten than here. At least here I have more important things to worry about. Not that any of them really matter in the long term, of course, but it keeps me busy.

But..I'd like to rediscover myself. I want to know what I'm all about. I want to know what I expect in this life other than the tedious routine of everyday living numbing my body and brain to the bone. What is it that I wake up for every morning? Is it the fact that I'm supposed to wake up? There's things to be done? Why is it that I can't seem to enjoy this boring habitual numbness like so many other people seem to? Don't get me wrong, I know I'm living a pretty good life, but I can't stop myself from wondering if this is really it. Is this really all there is? Where's the excitement, the drama, the intensity? Why isn't real life anything like what they advertise on tv?

Sometimes, I go without thoughts like these for a couple of days. They feel pretty good. But ultimately everything comes full circle again and I'm wondering how far I could go without looking back.

 

You know back in highschool, how everything made so much sense? I was so busy living I never even thought about my own existence. The everyday routine was broken more often than you'd expect from a day scheduled around courses that last for 45 minutes each. Everything made so much sense back then. Well…I guess nothing really made sense back then, but I didn't care. Now, everything is neatly lain out in front of me and I just have to follow the path. Just follow one day into the next and pray you won't lose your mind before you get there.

The funny thing is, I could bitch about this for four more pages, but I would never do anything about it. I'll just go on being bored and boring myself with myself waiting for some miracle to happen and make everything better. Life isn't what you make of it. No one makes something of their life. Stuff just happens and you deal with it and move on. People get cancer. Some of them die. Some of them don't. The ones that don't haven't 'fought hard' or 'had a strong will to live'. They were just lucky. The ones that died were shit out of luck. Life is like that sometimes. Hell, it's like that most of the time. I wonder…

I wonder how far I could go without looking back..

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This entry was posted on 18 September 2010 by in Diary, Personal Thoughts.

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👹🇰🇷 #대한민국화이팅 🇰🇷👹 오늘은 못 이겼는데, 끝까지 응원할게! Unlike my home country of the Netherlands, Korea actually qualified for the World Cup, so I thought it was only right for me to go show my love and 열 for my second-favorite country in the world. Gwanghwamun was packed to the brim with people, which made for a really great atmosphere in spite of the buses constantly blocking our view of the screens that had been erected (because closing off streets is WAY too European). Unfortunately, we didn't manage to win, but I think we played a pretty decent match tonight. No matter what the future holds for the Korean team, I'll always be cheering for them! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ══════════════════════ #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #Seoul_Korea #WorldCup #WorldCup2018 #SwedenKorea #KoreaSweden #Cheer #Football #Soccer #Voetbal #Gwanghwamun #대한민국 #월드컵 #월드컵2018 #축구 #한국스웨덴 #스웨덴한국 #거리응원 #응원 #광화문 #광화문광장
TY usually tries to slip out of the studio as quickly as possible, so I was surprised to see him having a small fan meeting after the matches today. He played some amazing games against GuMiho, and as a fan I couldn't be happier to see that his form has been improving again. He's always been my favorite Terran, so I hope he'll be continuing on this path to success. The rematch for the 2016 GSL Season 1 finals between TY and Zest is slated for coming Wednesday, so definitely come down to the AfreecaTV studio if you have the opportunity! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ══════════════════════ #Afreecatv #GSL #Starcraft #Starcraft2 #SC2 #Zest #Protoss #TY #Terran #Progamer #Progaming #Gamer #Gaming #eSports #Signature #스타 #스타크래프트 #스타2 #스타크래프트2 #전태양 #주성욱 #테란 #프로토스 #e스포츠 #게이밍 #프로게이머 #게이머 #아프리카tv #싸인
Thanks to my thesis taking up pretty much every waking hour of my time, I haven't been able to see any GSL matches this season. Thankfully, now that I successfully completed my defense, it is once again 스타크래프트 타임! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ══════════════════════ #Korea #Afreeca #Afreecatv #GSL #Starcraft #Starcraft2 #SC2 #Zest #Protoss #TY #Terran #Progamer #Progaming #Gamer #Gaming #eSports #스타 #스타크래프트 #스타2 #스타크래프트2 #전태양 #주성욱 #테란 #프로토스 #e스포츠 #게이밍 #프로게이머 #게이머 #아프리카tv #아프리카
"We laymen have always been intensely curious to know ... from what sources that styrene being, the creative writer, draws his material, and how he manages to make such an impression on us with it and to arouse emotions of which, perhaps, we had not even thought ourselves capable." - Freud, 1908 My thesis on the use of Mentor Texts to teach creative writing is finally done! I successfully completed my defense today, and will be making the final revisions in the next couple of days. It has been a long and exhausting ride from the drawing board to the final line of text, but I think I've come up with something to be proud of. A big thank you to my friends and family, who supported me throughout my two year academical adventure. And an even bigger thank you to my thesis advisor Dr. Lim Hyun Woo, without whom my thesis wouldn't have been possible, and to Lee Ji Yeon, without whom I might not have even made it this far. The road ahead is still long and full of difficulties, but at least the first big hurdle has been taken. Bring on the rest. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ══════════════════════ #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #Seoul_Korea #Thesis #Thesisdefense #Pass #Passed #HUFS #TESOL #Education #EnglishEducation #Hankukuniversityofforeignstudies #University #외대 #한국외국어대학교 #한국외대 #논문 #논문발표 #졸업 #합격 #영어교육
There's a reason I haven't been posting much lately, and that reason is that it's thesis season in Korea right now. As a Master student in his last semester, I am very much feeling the pressure! I wrapped up the data collection for my thesis about a week ago, and the entire thing should be finished and submitted in...three days from now. So basically, all I've been doing for the past few weeks has been sitting in front of my computer, looking at data, listening to smooth jazz playlists on youtube and praying I somehow manage to get all of this stuff together in time to graduate. Let's hope I'll get a chance to shoot more interesting things than just this picture of some flowers I found on my 3AM life-contemplating walk very soon. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ══════════════════════ #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #Seoul_Korea #Thesis #thesisdefense #writing #homework #graduation #HUFS #TESOL #Education #university #flowers #midnight #night #painting #studentlife #한국외국어대학교 #한국외대 #외대 #논문 #논문발표 #논문준비 #연구 #졸업 #꽃 #학생생활
This weekend the 156th Seoul Comic World was hosted in SETEC in Gangnam. Comic World is a little like the Japanese Comiket: a large event where individual artists or art circles are given the chance to show off and hopefully sell their work to a huge community of anime and manga fans. Unlike Comiket though, Comic World is hosted at least once a month, either in Seoul or in Busan. And tickets are only ₩5000! One of the greatest things about this event is how all the goods are so cheap. Cards usually go for ₩800 or ₩1,000; posters for ₩3,000; key chains for ₩5,000 and you can even get little plastic cutouts of characters you can put on your desk for about ₩15,000. The other greatest thing are the cosplayers: people who worked for weeks or months on a costume to show off their love for a certain character. Unfortunately, the bad weather yesterday meant there weren't many opportunities for taking pictures, but when the weather's good you'd be in for a treat! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ══════════════════════ #Seoul #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul_Korea #ComicWorld #SeoulComicWorld #Anime #Manga #Comics #Deadpool #Spiderman #Ash #EvilDead #Cosplay #Marvel #Avengers #Pokemon #서울코믹월드 #코믹월드 #아니메 #만화 #코믹 #데드풀 #스파이더맨 #애시 #이블데드 #코스플레이 #마블 #어벤져스 #포케몬
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