Anonymous of Holland            -A Dutchman in Korea-

    Helo welcom 2 my websight

Rantings of a Madman part 4

Have you ever wondered how far you can go without looking back?

I wonder about it often. I've wondered about it for years. I can't even count the times I'd wanted to jump on a train and see where I ended up. Or just walk away and try to get as far away from anything as I possibly could. But I never get further than my own front door. That's where logic and doubt stop me from going any further. There's no getting away from logic. And doubt is something you'll always carry with you. Logic dictates I can't just run off and do whatever, because doing whatever costs money, and even though there are people that survive without anything, I could not. I'd go mad if I couldn't watch tv or have a drink whenever I wanted. Luxury living has ruined my dreams for me. And where would I even go? 'Away' is such a loveably vague idea that we love to throw around, but where would I really go? Would walking around Luxembourg be enough of a change to constitute 'awayness' or do I need to go to America or Russia? What will I even do when I get there? How the hell do you search for yourself by going away? The only thing I'd be doing if I went 'away' would be worrying about how I could eat tomorrow and if I could ever go back if I wanted to. 'Away' sounds even more rotten than here. At least here I have more important things to worry about. Not that any of them really matter in the long term, of course, but it keeps me busy.

But..I'd like to rediscover myself. I want to know what I'm all about. I want to know what I expect in this life other than the tedious routine of everyday living numbing my body and brain to the bone. What is it that I wake up for every morning? Is it the fact that I'm supposed to wake up? There's things to be done? Why is it that I can't seem to enjoy this boring habitual numbness like so many other people seem to? Don't get me wrong, I know I'm living a pretty good life, but I can't stop myself from wondering if this is really it. Is this really all there is? Where's the excitement, the drama, the intensity? Why isn't real life anything like what they advertise on tv?

Sometimes, I go without thoughts like these for a couple of days. They feel pretty good. But ultimately everything comes full circle again and I'm wondering how far I could go without looking back.

 

You know back in highschool, how everything made so much sense? I was so busy living I never even thought about my own existence. The everyday routine was broken more often than you'd expect from a day scheduled around courses that last for 45 minutes each. Everything made so much sense back then. Well…I guess nothing really made sense back then, but I didn't care. Now, everything is neatly lain out in front of me and I just have to follow the path. Just follow one day into the next and pray you won't lose your mind before you get there.

The funny thing is, I could bitch about this for four more pages, but I would never do anything about it. I'll just go on being bored and boring myself with myself waiting for some miracle to happen and make everything better. Life isn't what you make of it. No one makes something of their life. Stuff just happens and you deal with it and move on. People get cancer. Some of them die. Some of them don't. The ones that don't haven't 'fought hard' or 'had a strong will to live'. They were just lucky. The ones that died were shit out of luck. Life is like that sometimes. Hell, it's like that most of the time. I wonder…

I wonder how far I could go without looking back..

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This entry was posted on 18 September 2010 by in Diary, Personal Thoughts.

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There's just no stopping this guy!
Season 2 #GSL champion #김대엽 #Stats  is also your Season 2 #SSL champion!
In an amazing back and forth, the #Protoss ultimately managed to defeat his #Zerg rival #박령우 #Dark.
As the #Starcraft season is coming to a close, I can only look forward to more of the same next year.

#Seoul #Korea #SouthKorea #SC2 #스타크래프트2 #스타2 #Starcraft2 #esports #gaming #progamer #Korean #gamer #videogames #tournament #저그 #프로토스 #경기 #게임 #프로게이머 #champion #Splyce From #temples to #churches.

#church #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #religion #Christian #Christianity #cross #Korean #spooky #spoopy #filter #woods #교회 #무서워 #서울 #기독교 I had a great time working with #SBS on their new program #내방안내서 in the beautiful #Mihwangsa #temple. I'm sure that @zazimusic has made @haemin_sunim proud with their song based on his book, #멈추면비로소보이는것들.
며칠동안 #미황사 에서 시간을 보내는 게 큰 인상을 주었고 만난 사람들 너무 친절하게 챙겨서 감사하는 말 밖에 못 한다.
다들 #수고했어.

#Korea #SouthKorea #tv #filming #television #tvshow #Koreantv #Buddhism #Buddha #traditional #절 #불교 #텔레비전 #쇼 #촬영 #버라이어티 #발송 I came back to #Seoul yesterday. Waking up to the sound of cars passing under my window and people shouting instead of the sound of the waves rolling over the beach and bugs chirping, I realized again that a part of me hates this city, no matter how much I love it. Now I understand why #혜민스님 makes the trip back to #미황사 so often even though he lives in Seoul as well.

For people living in a big city like this, it's important to #slowdown and not get caught and lose yourself in the flow of things. Life in the #countryside and in a #temple is so different, so much more #empty, but so much more fulfilling.

#Korea #SouthKorea #Mihwangsa #color #peace #reflection #religion #Buddhism #Buddha #tranquility #traditional #절 #평화 #불교 #해남 #108배 #전통 #역사 #생각 #자성 #내이야기 #미황사 에서 사흘밖에 안 보냈는데, 그래도 #생각 을 많이 바뀌었다. #성찰 하면서 내 한국 생활도 생각하고 한국 사람들의 #촌 을 생각하면서 왜 한국이랑 사랑에 빠졌는지 다시 깨달았어요. 한국에서 사는 것이 선물이니까.. 잘 살아야지.

#절라도 #절라남도 #절 #평화 #불교 #해남 #혜민스님 #Korea #SouthKorea #Temple #Shrine #tranquility #peace #reflection #religion #Buddhism #Buddha #혜민스님 의 #미황사 에서 #멈추면비로소보이는것들 많다. #절 의 #평화 를 느끼고 마음을 비우면서 깊은 생각도 하고 한국 생활을 #감사 하는 생각도 많고.. 한국이 역시 #아름다운 나라입니다. 
Another gorgeous #sunset at #Mihwangsa #temple.
I am so thankful to #SBS and 혜민스님 for letting us stay here.
Just like the title of his book, there are many things you can only see when you #slow down. Staying at the temple and talking with the staff has taught me once again that Korea is an amazing country, and I couldn't be happier to be here. 
#nofilter #Korea #SouthKorea #island #traditional #tranquility #nature #wood #meditation
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