Anonymous of Holland            -A Dutchman in Korea-

    Helo welcom 2 my websight

Remembrance (3)

This is a continuation of an ongoing story. Read the first part here and the second part here.

Chapter 2

When I came to, she was there, as she always was, a frightened and concerned look clearly visible on her otherwise so bright and beautiful face. My head hurt. When my vision became clearer, the other five people standing around me slipped into focus. They were looking down at me. I took a moment to calm myself. I was laying on the floor of Soo-Min's office building, a small trickle of blood running from my nose into my mouth. The taste was unfamiliar.
"Leon! Oh Leon I am so glad you're awake!"
Her voice made my headache worse. I tried to stand up, holding on to the arm one of Soo-Min's male colleagues had extended. I couldn't stand.
"Uh…" I grunted.
I felt tears dropping on my lips.
I tried to raise my hand to comfort Soo-Min, to tell her I was alright, but it wouldn't move a muscle.
She pulled me up and hugged me tight, but I couldn't feel the warmth of her body.
For some reason, I wasn't panicking. I felt completely calm as the paramedics hauled me up from the floor and rolled me into the back of the ambulance, Soo-Min refusing to let go of me as she struggled to keep up. I felt no fear. I felt like all of it was happening as it should have. Something did worry me though; I also felt no love for Soo-Min. As she sat next to me in the ambulance, panting and sweating from rushing along, my heart seemed like an empty void. For the first time since the dreams had started, I felt like she was really being taken away from me, and there was nothing I could do about it. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but I was unable to wipe them away. Soo-Min kissed my forehead, but I could not feel her lips. Then, she was halted by hospital staff as I was wheeled into a diagnostic room.

I must have lain there for hours, unable to move or speak, as doctors shone light into my eyes, stabbed needles into my skin and electrons into my brain. They looked worried at first, but after a while they looked considerably more relaxed.
After the last doctor had left, a nurse guided Soo-Min into my room. The man quietly stood in the corner while my girlfriend dropped to her knees at the edge of the white hospital bed and grabbed my hand.
She wanted to speak, but her tears were not letting her.
"As we told miss Park," the nurse started, moving slightly closer to where I was lying, "it appears that you have passed out as the result of a high dose of tranquilizing medication, more specifically Pancuronium Bromide, a drug we use in this hospital to sedate violent patients. The paralysis will wear off shortly, but we would like to keep you here for observation until we can find out how such a high dosage of it has ended up in your system."
Soo-Min finally found the strength to raise her head and speak: "I..I was so worried…" she sobbed, "I don't want to lose you, Leon, I don't ever want to lose you. You have to stay with me forever, Leon, I won't let you go."
I wrapped my hand around hers, touched her thumb with mine and extended my pinky. She locked hers firmly into it and helped me rotate my wrist.
"It's a promise," I wanted to say, but I couldn't move my lips. Instead, I cried as I felt my feelings for Soo-Min slowly returning, together with my mobility. I felt her strong grip on my hand, as if she would never let go of it, and unable to keep my weary mind awake, I closed my eyes.

I must have kept on crying during the dreamless sleep that overcame me for the next few hours, since my pillow was soaked when I woke up, the feeling of half-dried tears staining my skin. Soo-Min was still holding onto my hand, but she had also fallen asleep in a chain the nurse must have prepared for her.
I relaxed my mind, the image of this frail woman sitting there hunched over, clasping my hand in hers as if it was a lifeline flooding my thoughts. I couldn't tell her about what I experienced while I was unconscious. In fact, I shouldn't tell her. It would only worry her even more, and I had already been such a burden on her.
That was what I was thinking when I noticed Soo-Min's head slowly rising from the corner of my eye. Her eyes were puffy, like little fish eyes, and it reminded me of how beautiful she was even when she just came out of bed with no make-up on.
"Soo-Min," I said, now in full control of all my muscles, "I..I'm sorry."
The beautiful fish eyes stared right through me, and Soo-Min punched me hard on my shoulder. I was just happy I could feel the sting.
"Don't say you're sorry, you…idiot." Tears welled up in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them with the sleeve of her blouse.
"But I am," I continued, "I'm sorry for being so weak…and I'm sorry for making you worry so much."
Her face started to show even more frustration. "Didn't you hear what the doctors said? This can't be your fault. Did you inject yourself with that stuff?"
", of course not. I didn't even know a drug like that existed."
"The police have been alerted. They said they'd try to find whoever did this to you, but since there's not much to go on…
The doctors said the drug only takes a few moments to take effect, so they think it might have been someone at our office. Who would do something like this, Leon?
The police officer will probably be visiting soon…What time is it?"
I got up and kissed her on the forehead.
"Honey, relax." I placed my hand on her head and pulled her towards me. "At this rate, you'll be the one who'll end up in a bed like this." I could feel her sobbing over the slow movement of my chest. "Everything is alright; there's nothing to worry about anymore, I'll be fine."
After a short silence during which Soo-Min regained her composure, she said: "When you were asleep just now… what did you dream?"
I held her by the shoulders and slowly pushed her away from me, looking her straight in the eye so she'd know I wasn't lying.
"I didn't dream of anything." I said, slowly and deliberately.
Soo-Min looked down at the hospital floor. Then she looked back up at me, a wide smile playing along her lips. For the first time since I had woken up, she hugged me tight.
"Maybe this was just what I needed to get my brain sorted out," I lied.
I was even more determined than before: I shouldn't tell her about what happened after I passed out. I decided to start keeping my nightmares from her as well; to pretend this episode had somehow magically fix whatever was wrong with me. The best decision would have been to leave her, of course, but I was selfish. I didn't want to live without her, even if it would have made her able to live a happy life with someone more stable than myself. So I did what I always did: I chose the low road.

I stayed in the hospital for two more days as the doctors ran tests on me and police officers asked me for my statement. In the end, I ended up with a 'You appear to be perfectly healthy, so there's no reason to keep you here any longer,' and a 'We're doing the best we can,' respectively.
Of course I was worried, but I had the distinct feeling there was nothing I, or anyone else, could do about it, so I quietly thanked the hospital staff for their hard work and returned home with Soo-Min, who hadn't left my side
for more than 20 minutes while I was at the hospital. She had even eaten the same crummy microwave meals I had, and had planned to sleep in that same chair until I invited her to sleep with me in the hospital bed. I hadn't had any nightmares since the incident either. Perhaps it really was the end of my fragile state of mind?


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This entry was posted on 25 March 2011 by in Original Content, Stories.

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Forgotten Tomes


  • 26,488 Minds Expanded


Korean food comes in many shapes and sizes, but one of the most famous and well liked among tourists must be the humble #Bibimbap.
Usually not much more than a bowl of rice into which you mix (bibida in Korean) various vegetables, topped off with some spicy gochujang, bibimbap is a staple food that can be found almost anywhere and at very reasonable prices.

There's also quite a few traditionally styled restaurants such as the one in the picture that serve a bit more 'up-scale' versions that resemble the food royalty used to eat many centuries ago.
#Seoul #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul_Korea #SeoulKorea #Namsan #MongmyeokSanbang #Restaurant #KoreanRestaurant #Gochujang #Traditional #Food #Foodstagram #Koreanfood #Hanok
#서울 #남산 #목멱산방 #비빔밥 #고추장 #밥 #먹스타그램 #푸드그램 #전통 #한옥 #맛집 #남산맛집 You couldn't tell from this picture, but spring has suddenly been unleashed in Korea! We went from actual snow not much more than a week ago to 6° and now 22° today.

Originally, Koreans were always very proud of their '사계절' - 4 seasons. In the past few years though, fall and spring have been reduced to mere weeks as golden brown leaves freeze off the trees in 'fall' and cherry blossoms bloom in tropic temperatures in 'spring'.
#Korea #SouthKorea #Goyang #Spring #Seasons #4seasons #fall #landscape #traintracks #tracks
#4계절 #계절 #봄 #가을 #고양 #선로 대한민국 만세!
Today is a holiday in Korea; the remembrance of the March 1st movement, which marked the beginning of the Korean people standing up to their Japanese oppressors in the early 20th century.

Unfortunately, instead of celebrating this important day in Korea's history, some people use it as an excuse to push their pro-박근혜 agenda. Former president Park Geun-Hye has been incarcerated for months now while on trial on 18 charges, including bribery, coercion, abuse of power and the leakage of government secrets during her ill-fated presidency. In spite of the overwhelming evidence against her, there are still some (almost exclusively senior) citizens who believe she should be reinstated as the legal president of Korea.

In spite of the fact that I don't agree with their politics, seeing everyone singing and waving the 태극기 together did make me feel good, although being one of the only foreigners in a crowd of riled up Koreans also reminded me that I'll never truly be part of their society.
#Seoul #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul_Korea #March #Demonstration #Rally #Parade #Politics #Flag #Gwanghwamun #Taegukgi #Japan #Occupation #Independence #gyeongbokgung
#Optocht #ZuidKorea #Demonstratie
#서울 #삼일 #삼일절 #광화문 #태극기 #대한민국 #만세 #대한민국만세 #삼일운동 #3월1일 #경복궁 More pictures from the Line store in Itaewon. I love it when a brand sets up something as elaborate as this; I can't stop myself from wanting to take pictures. 
These are also the first post-LASEK pictures I'm in! It is extremely strange to see myself in pictures without glasses, and I still feel kind of 'naked' when I go out without them, but it's already something I know I'll never regret!
#Seoul #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul_Korea #Itaewon #Line #LineMessenger #LineStore #LineKorea #LineFriends #LineFriendsStore #LineFriendsItaewon #Store #Cute #Bear #Plush #Dollhouse #Emoticon #Emoji
#서울 #이태원 #라인 #라인프렌즈 #라인프렌즈스토어 #라인프렌즈샵 #라인프렌즈이태원 #외국인 #네덜란드 One of the many things I love about Korea is that it has way more 'themed stores' than my own country. For some reason, some companies or brands such as Ghibli, Gundam, Kakao or, as in these pictures, Line, decide to spend millions creating beautiful flagship locations that feel like a mix of an exhibition space and a regular store.

This was the first time I visited the Line store in Itaewon since I'm not very interested in either Line nor Itaewon, but it was definitely a really cute sight to behold.
#Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #Seoul_Korea #Line #Kakao #LineFriends #LineStore #Store #Shop #Shops #Stores #Brand #Messenger #LineMessenger #Itaewon #LineFriendsItaewon
#서울 #이태원 #라인 #라인프렌즈 #카카오 #가게 #스토어 #라인스토어 #브랜드 A Gangnam view from the offices of my eye clinic, which is incidentally the reason I haven't posted anything in a while; I've been "busy" recovering from LASEK!

If you're interested in the process of getting vision correction surgery in Korea, check out my latest blog post. There's a link in my bio, or you can Google 'Anonymous of Holland'.
#Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #Seoul_Korea #Gangnam #Sinnonhyeon #BGNEyeClinic #BGN #Eyeclinic #LASEK #LASIK #SMILE #Laservisioncorrection #Visioncorrection #Cityscape #City #Skyline #Simcity #visit_korea #ig_korea
#밝은눈안과 #강남 #신논현 #서울 #대한민국 #라섹 #라식 #스마일 #도시 #도시경관
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