Anonymous of Holland            -A Dutchman in Korea-

    Helo welcom 2 my websight

I thought I’d have some answers by now

A couple of weeks ago, my father celebrated his 60th birthday.
60.
That’s a lot of years.
That’s an amount of years that you can’t even imagine when you’re young. When all the scary kids are ’18’ and all adults are ’30’.
‘Old as fuck’, is what I called him in my congratulatory text message on the day.

And then I realized I was half of that.
I’m turning 30 today.
30.
That’s a lot of years.
You could even say that’s about halfway to ‘old as fuck’.
My father was 30 when he had me.
He had a house, a car, a wife. A stable job and plan for the future.
Meanwhile, I refused to grow up; ran away to a far away country with nothing but a vague plan and a sizeable debt.

I’m not sure what 30 is supposed to feel like, but I don’t feel like 30.
Physically maybe, yeah, sure, I could be 45. But not mentally. At 30, you’re supposed to be an adult. You’re supposed to have things figured out. 30, to me, was always objectively the moment where I’d have gotten all my shit together and would be well on my way to living that life that I had envisioned back when I was a teenager. Maybe without all the purple satin, but still.
30 was supposed to be a big deal. But just like how 20 was supposed to be a big deal, it doesn’t feel like much has changed. The strange thing is that when I pause for a moment and think about it, it feels wrong. A 30 year old should not still be in university, renting a one room apartment (but with a separate kitchen!!), worrying about making end’s meet and being obsessed with video games and comic books. That doesn’t sound at all like what 18-year-old Richard imagined when he thought of future Richard. Adult Richard. Two kids and a dog Richard.
But on a day to day basis…it doesn’t feel wrong. This is me. This is who I am. I am the kind of person who stays up until 4 in the morning to play the Telltale Game of Thrones game after coming back from a wonderful date the day after drinking soju and making childish jokes with friends over fried chicken eaten from a urinal-shaped plate. It doesn’t match with my idea of what a 30 year old should be at all, but it is who I am.

So I’ve been revising my theory. Maybe adulthood isn’t something that just happens somewhere overnight, the little adulthood-fairy sneaking in through the cracks in your windowsill, touching you between the eyes with her magic wand and transforming you into what you always knew you would become.
Maybe adulthood is something that just…happens. Slowly. Without you even noticing it.
I’ve been noticing things a lot these days. Living in Korea has made me exceedingly aware of who I am and what I do. How I deal with things and how I wish I’d deal with things. I noticed that even in the short time that I’ve been here, I’ve matured a lot. I’d always thought you would be all matured-out by this age, but that’s not true at all. I gained a deeper understanding and appreciation of friendship, realized my flaws in the areas that are important to me, came to terms with my dependency on others for my own personal happiness and became aware of the ways in which my own thinking influences my life.

But in the end, I guess that 30 isn’t that big of a deal after all.
Just like when I turned 20, no sudden, profound changes took place.
I’m still me as much as I was a week, a month, a year or two years ago.
But just like how 30 year old me is so completely different from 20 year old me,
I expect that some day I’ll just wake up, think about who I’ve become and realize that, at last,
I have become an adult.

I’m in no rush to see that day.
But I did think I’d have some answers by now.

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3 comments on “I thought I’d have some answers by now

  1. Ghislaine
    25 April 2017

    Dit is echt zoooo herkenbaar. Zo Ik ik me rond mn verjaardag ook. Maar adulting is stom.

  2. phoebesummers
    25 April 2017

    Hahaha precies mijn gevoel toen ik 30 werd… 24 dagen geleden… Omg ik ben 30 jaar en 24 dagen. Noooo. Laat ik het zo zeggen, het went. 30 is gewoon any other number.

  3. Marcel Luijten
    30 April 2017

    But someday you have to growup and see, your driving a Mercedes benz car.
    Haha……

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This entry was posted on 25 April 2017 by in Diary and tagged , , , , , .

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One of the things I love about Korea compared to the Netherlands is how people still visit actual, physical stores here. While in my country, cities struggle keeping their downtown shopping areas from looking like ghost towns, here there is a healthy variety in both local mom and pop stores, big franchise chains and everything in between.

There's even megamalls like this one, called #Garden5, that we couldn't even imagine finding back at home. 4 huge buildings with 14 floors of shopping each, in an area that doesn't even come close to the foot traffic that regular downtown areas see - I don't know how places like this stay in business, but I'm very happy they do.
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#Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #Seoul_Korea #discoversouthkorea #GardenFive #Mall #Megamall #Shoppingcenter #HappyNewYear #NewYear #Store #Shopping #서울 #가든5 #가든파이브 #리차드 #백화점 #쇼핑 #네덜란드 #외국인 #유럽 #새해 #새해복많이받으세요 #가게 아휴~ teaching is hard work, but (although I'm well aware of how cheesy this sounds) seeing my students have fun with what we've come up with and enjoy themselves makes it all worth it, and because I was doing it together with my close 형, I even had a lot of fun.

The best thing about teaching in Korea is how adorable the kids are, even though they can also be little demons, and how surprised they get when they find out you speak Korean.

쌤, 한국말 아세요?
- Me? No way! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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#Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #English #Englishteaching #Teaching #EFL #TESOL #Korean #Kids #Students #EnglishCamp #languagelearning #영어 #영어공부 #영어수업 #외국인 #네덜란드 #영어캠프 #언어 #선생님 #쌤 #Engels #Les #Lesgeven Today, I found this picture that I took about 3 years ago in a toy store here in Korea.

I don't want to sound like an old fart, but I sure do wish we'd have had books like this when I was studying English - it certainly beats the 800th 'Trip to London' practice dialogue.

P.s. Nightcrawler is the best X-Man
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#Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #Toystore #XMen #Nightcrawler #Superhero #Superheroes #Marvel #Book #Comics #Comicbook #English #LearningEnglish #StudyingEnglish #Kids #서울 #토이저러스 #엑스맨 #나이트크롤러 #히로 #슈퍼히어로 #마블 #영어 #영어공부 #코믹 #공부 #언어 #연습 It has been snowing remarkably often this year. Winters in Korea are always cold, but since there generally isn't much precipitation, it doesn't usually snow all that often. This year, however, has seen about 7 days of snow already and with all these cold snaps, we can probably look forward to a couple more before the winter finally gives up.
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#nofilter #winter #snow #white #Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #KyungHee #kyungheeuniversity #University #ig_korea #ig_asia #노필터 #겨울 #눈 #화이트 #서울 #seoul_korea #경희대 #경희대학교 #경희 #외국인 #네덜란드 #대학교 #대학원 #대학 #춥다 @seoul_official 완벽한 오늘.
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#Korea #SouthKorea #Seoul #Food #Koreanfood #Guksu #Gogiguksu #Present #Gift #Newyear #Perfect #foodstagram
#완벽한 #오늘 #완벽한오늘 #국수 #고기국수 #먹스타그램 #음식 #서울 After 3 months of no Starcraft, the first match of the year is always something I look forward to. I guess I now understand how sports fans feel when it's off season.

This is the third year that I've been in Seoul enough to closely follow all the major Starcraft tournaments, and although I still really miss Proleague I guess it is better for my productivity that we've only got two major tournaments going on these days. If February rolls around without any SSL announcements, I might get antsy though..
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#Starcraft #Starcraft2 #SC2 #GSL #GlobalStarCraftLeague #esports #gaming #progamer #gamer #Korean #Seoul #Korea #esport #INnoVation #Leenock #Creator #Solar #tournament #Proleague #SSL #스타크래프트 #스타2 #스타크래프트2 #외국인 #이신형 #문규리 #e스포츠 #경기 #프로게이머 #게이머
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